After comps

I spent so much time focusing on comps that I didn't spend much of that time being overly focused on Chris. I knew that the comps had to be done, so I could keep my mind focused there. Now that it's over all that time spent on comps has come back to me.
So now every moment I spend not busy is spent thinking about Chris and what we are missing in our lives. We went to a meeting of The Compassionate Friends last week. It was helpful and at the same time very sad. All these parents sitting there who had lost their children through one kind of tragedy or another. It doesn't seem fair or right, but then again we are not crazy enough to actually believe that life is fair. If it were fair then people like Charles Manson would have died long before they could have inflicted their pain and hurt on the world, and children who never hurt anyone would not have to die. I don't pretend to even think that I can understand the logic of things when faced with that kind of inconsistency. But as they say that's above my paygrade, way above my paygrade.
Things at work seem to be falling apart pretty fast. Right now it looks like my time as a Functional Family Therapist is about over. What that is going to mean for me staying with the state I don't know. I can't say that I'm really all that twisted up about it. I guess I figure that something will come up. The word is that they are working on positions for us. Of course that doesn't mean it's going to be a position that I want, but at this point as long as I still have a job that's fine. Maybe something where I'm not doing as much therapy with families would be better for me. I don't know anymore.