Things that you remember

A year ago yesterday Chris had his last CT scan. We had a feeling before they even took him down for it that it was not going to turn out well. We wanted it to be okay, but we had been through so much that we just had a feeling that it was not going to go well. The day after the CT the doctor came in a talked to us. When they bring in reinforcements then you know that the news isn't going to be good. The doctor sat down with us and told us the news. The tumor in his chest wasn't growing anymore, but there were lymph nodes in other parts of his abdomen that were lighting up. We had given up believing that they were going to be anything other than lymphoma. From this point on, the next few weeks were all about making Chris as comfortable as possible, and trying to enjoy the time we had left. It's hard to do that when you know that anytime you do something could be the last time. But we did what we had to do. I don't know how we did it to be honest. We just did. It's one of those things you have no choice about so you do the very best that you can. I wonder sometimes, especially when I'm really down if we did the right things. Did we do what Chris wanted, did he know how hard it was, did we know what he was going through, being 18 and being told that his life that should have been measured in years was being measured in weeks. We all know that we are on limited time and that we can die any day, but when you are told that your son is going to die, and there is nothing what so ever that you can do about it, but try and make him comfortable and enjoy the time you have with him, it will rock your world.
We are coming up on a year and it's like a freight train barreling down on us. We couldn't stop it then and we can't stop it now. So we ride along and we cry, and we laugh and we miss Chris. We are thankful for everyday that we had with him, for all the memories all the laughs, and all the love that he left us with.