Well we managed to survive both Fathers day and Mother's day. Now it's just a matter of getting through the next couple of weeks and getting moved. It's hard to celebrate holidays when a part of you is missing. We got through, but it's just that, getting through. I continue to work on my dissertation and continue to be amazed at what people write about the process of grief. They don't understand. People say things to you, we haven't heard a lot of it, but we have talked to others that have heard it. Telling people that it's been (insert what ever length of time here) and they should get over it and move on. How do you move on when a piece of your heart is gone. We hear about someone's child dieing and our hearts just break, it doesn't matter how old the person or how old their child is.
At the same time, through all of this, I think about Chris, the time we spent with him and the time we have spent trying to honor him. I would say mourning, because that is part of it, but what Chris did in his life, the people that he touched, the difference he made makes us want to honor him. From here on out that is what we are trying to do, honor our son, and make sure that his legacy is one that continues. Remember the good times, the love and use those memories to get through the bad days.
About Me
- Rod R
- Married to Cyndi for 22 years. Father of three, Thomas 22, Twins Alec and Chris, 19 (Chris died 10/3/07, the day before his 19th birthday, after an 8 month battle with Lymphoma).
1 comment:
Rod, I have never communicated with you but have known of you and your family through my wife, Lisa and daughter, Megan. I guess I haven't known what to say or how to say it. Maxx was my only son and I lost my father four years ago. Fathers Day for me was pretty much unacknowledged even though I spent the day with Lisa and Megan shopping in a Tibetan gift shop and having burgers. Rod, I don't understand how we live, work, eat, sleep. The horror stays with me 24/7. I work in industrial sales so I have to "put on the face" and pretend I care about business every day. Doesn't always work. Lisa and I fight, comfort each other, recount the horror, remember tender memories, weep, seek contact with Maxx somehow, some way. I feel a sadness I cannot ever foresee not feeling. I have a therapist and have rekindled my past connection with Buddhist philosphy/practice but nothing really helps. Please, may I contact you from time to time and talk. I have an old friend from high school whose son overdosed on heroin at age 23 and we talk occasionally. He is severely depressed, addicted to prescription medication and borderline alcoholic. I fear for his survival. Needless to say, we commiserate but he is little help. Another friend became a grief counselor with the Catholic church his wife attended after he converted to Catholicism for her benefit. He has abandoned me having last said that when one loses a child he never knows what to say. That was it for Walt. Never another word. Anyway, I won't make a pest of myself, but you seem like a good man who is suffering a nearly identical loss and I would like to connect if you are willing.
Best regards,
Stephen Wendell
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